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Sızıntı Başyazıları: Hep Ağladık – İrfana Yolculuk
Anasayfa » Bütün Yazılar » Sızıntı Başyazıları: Hep Ağladık

Sızıntı Başyazıları: Hep Ağladık

Ağlamak kaderimiz oldu. Yıllar yılı ağlamadan başka bir şey bilemedik. Ölen insanımıza, yıkılan umranımıza, târumâr olan harmanımıza ve kâidesiz kalan ümidimize ve cesaretimize… Hayat fânusumuzu elinde gördüğümüz batılı, bizden çok evvel uzanmıştı musallâ taşına… Onun ölümü, Nietzsche’nin, hayalinde tanrıya ölüm biçip de ‘tanrı öldü’ diye ilân ettiği güne dayanır. Aslında ölen batılı idi ve zavallı insanımızdı. Mahbesten çıkıyorum derken bataklığa gömülen insanımız… her şeyi red ve inkâr eden serâzad insanımız… Hangi mahbesten kurtulmuş ve neyi bulmuştu? Hiçbir şeyi… Ne kurtulduğu ne de bulduğu bir şey yoktu. Sadece hayat ritmi değişmiş ve farklı bir çizgide duyulan yine aynı cümbüştü.

Evet, Helene cadısı, yeni bir kalbe keman çekmişti. Kalbin kime ait olması ne ifâde eder, zafer şeytanın olduktan sonra… Christopher Marlowe’da mağdur, Doktor Faust, Goethe’de sadece Faust. Her iki toy aşıkın ma’şukâsı da Hellenizm Melîkesi değil mi? Şeytan aynı şeytan, ama anlayan kim? Evvelki gün Truva önünde tahta at, dün batıyı yutan bir dev, bugün bütün bir medeniyet enkazı üzerine oturmuş ejderha. Ümitlerimizle beraber duyarlılığımızı da alıp götüren bir ejderha…

Batıdaki kaynaşmadan, yıkılıştan bize ne; ‘âb-ı pâk’e ne zarar vakvaka-i kurbağadan?’ diyecekler çıkabilir. Ama, iş, hiç de öyle olmadı. Oradaki sarsıntı, bizi de yerle bir etti. Setler yıkıldı; köprüler çöktü; sular perişan oldu. Câmi de gitti, mihrabı da… Bu kızıl kıyametin dışında kalamadık… Keşke kalabilseydik. Asırlar boyu geliştirdiğimiz, olgunlaştırdığımız topyekün kıymetlerimizle, bu büyük vakuma mukâvemet edemedik ve yutulduk. Yutulduk ama, kesen, biçen, çiğneyen kendi dişlerimiz oldu.

Sonra, yıllarca ağlayıp nâlân olduk, ‘sirişk-i çeşmimiz’ [1] çağlayanlardan farksız akıp gitti… Eski hâlimize, yitirdiğimiz ikbâlimize, anadan babadan yetimler gibi ağladık. Dost vefaya yanaşmıyor, düşman cefadan doymuyor; talih zebun, bizler bitik, inledik durduk. Üstümüzde enînden bir bulut, çevremizde feryaddan bir lücce [2].

‘Git vatan! Kâ’be’de siyaha bürün!
Bir kolunu Ravza-i Nebîye uzat!
Birini Kerbelâ’da Meşhed’e at!
Kâinat’a o hey’etinle görün!’
Namık Kemal

deyip gecelere dert döküp inledik, feryaddan şekvâlarla bir yüce dergâha ‘arz-ı hâl’ eyledik. Evet, her şeyin sahibine bel bağlayıp, bacak kadar hâlimizle minare kadar ümîtler arkasına düşdük, şîr-i jiyan’ın [3] etrafa ‘savulun’ diyeceği günün ümitleriyle. İnanıyorduk ümidimize fer verene, dizimize derman getirene; milletimize, insanımıza… Kalbimize indirdiğimiz her mızrabda iyimserliğin nağmelerini duyuyor, gözümüzün önünde dirilişimizi kutlayan ışıkların yanıp söndüğünü görüyorduk.

‘Âbisten-i sefâ u kederdir leyâl hep
Gün doğmadan meşîme-i şebden neler doğar…’
[4]

Nihayet biz, binbir girdapla pençeleşmeye duralım, neslimize gülen şafaklar ufkumuzda zuhur etti. Ama yine ağlıyoruz; dün bir harâbezâre, bugün de lâlezâre [5]… Ağlıyoruz kasvetli bulutların çözülüşüne, gözü kurumuş semâmızdan sağanak sağanak yağmur dökülüşüne, zeminin burcu burcu bahar kokuşuna ve her şeyin yeniden dirilişine… Şurada emekleyen civcivlere, beride formasını takmış tomurcuklara, ötede bin iniltiye, bin sancıya…

Elimizde bahardan bir demet gül, gözümüz güle şebnem yetiştirmekte ve ‘Asrın garipleri’ olarak, kışta gelmişin kapısında büyük beşareti mırıldanıyoruz: Sümbüllerin kemer kuşandığını, tohumların başak saldığını, gülün gamze çaktığını, bülbülün nağme attığını ve bir nevbahar olduğunu.

Attığın dipdiri tohumların, kısmen soldurduğumuz çiçekleriyle huzuruna geldikse bizi kınama! ‘Sultana sultanlık, nitekim gedâya gedâlık yaraşır.’ Biz kötü devrin rüzgâr vurmuş garipleri, ruh ve gönül hayatına eremedik ve durulamadık.

‘Nazardan dur kılma bendegânı gözle Sultan’ım.’

Yazar: Fethullah Gülen, Sızıntı, Mayıs 1979, Cilt 1, Sayı 4 Tarih:


[1] Sirişk-i çeşm: Gözyaşı.
[2] Lücce: Engin deniz.
[3] Şîr-i jiyan: Yaralı arslan.
[4] ‘Geceler hep safa ve kedere gebedir. Gün doğmadan gecenin dölyatağından neler doğar.’
[5] Lâlezar: Lâlelik.

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